Falling off the edge of the Earth
From the President of the Flat Earth Society, the SoccerScribe -
In case you missed it a couple of weeks ago, and most probably did, the Flat-Ball Society grunted again.Along the lines of Jim Rome, Frank Deford and the anonymous sports talk show host in the Nike commercial that opens the spot with: "OK, let's take two minutes to talk about soccer, which is about two seconds more than it deserves" (which by the way the tune that follows has become a bit of a battle hymn), the latest flat-head spokesman has shrieked.Identifying the latest pseudo-intellectual to ascend to the throne of Grand Wizard for Exalted Society of American Sports Bigots would only feed his ego, which is considerable already. His identity is irrelevant, as is what he wrote, which followed along the lines of previous screeds of his numerous predecessors.What is relevant, and what to keep in mind as we continue forward, is just this: be prepared. The stupidity which until now has been fairly scattershot, will become more frequent, more inane and shriller as the flat-ball society members see their domain shrink. Instead of realizing soccer is a sport _ not an alien virus, societal upheaval or cultural threat _ and just learn a little about it, they will withdraw into their sanctuary of ignorance and lob as many spitballs as possible to defend their bigotry.In quick summary, the latest silliness proffered that "soccer" _ and more specifically Major League Soccer _ owed "an apology" to the country for continually promising to be the "next big thing" and never delivering.In other words, the writer was tired of hearing about soccer. It apparently impinges on his ability to watch, read, hear about the more important things in life like the NBA, the NFL, MLB, etc. For as we all know, soccer is crowding those topics off the tube and sports pages.He and his particular screed were irrelevant, because nothing in it was new. I've been hearing and reading the same arguments for 20 years, and yet soccer continues its march north. His ilk have continually retreated in their arguments; he's just the latest who's been told to defend the valley with the rocks and sling.Twenty years ago, at the time the NASL died, my colleagues in sports journalism _ the baseball, football, basketball crowd _ quietly celebrated. They thought they had finally buried soccer. Most didn't overtly fete the death. First, because the MISL was in ascendancy, and secondly, the NASL was dead. They already had killed it. They didn't have to talk about it, which was the objective in the first place.But as soccer has continued to rise, first with the U.S. qualification for the 1990 World Cup, then the 3.5 million who showed up at the 1994 World Cup in the U.S., then the launch of MLS, then the quarterfinal appearance of the U.S. in 2002.the flat-ballers have seen the fringes of their empire encroached upon.As they lose more territory, their attacks have become increasingly braying. More and more, the flat-ballers' latest line of defense is to equate soccer with what they call "niche" sports such as arena football, lacrosse, etc. But when was the last anti-lacrosse or arena ball-bashing column you can recall reading?If soccer was as inconsequential as they claim, why would it warrant such a full-frontal assault?To some degree, stock-car racing used to endure such idiocies, at least in the Northeast. At first, it was a "redneck" sport, then it was a regional sport, now it's the second-most watched sports property on television in the United States.With MLS about to make money for the first time, the situation will worsen for the flat-ballers even more quickly. The MLS Pictures program that aired MLS Cup weekend on Fox Soccer Channel was the first foray by adidas to improve the league's image by taking it into a more general entertainment forum. Adidas has committed $150 million on MLS over 10 years. It now is invested in MLS in a big way.They apparently don't intend to waste that $150 million. They will spend even more on MLS Pictures.The production of MLS Pictures will become more professional, more frequent and more glamorous, appealing to a wider and wider audience _ much like NFL Films has done for pointyball since Ed Sabol started his little outfit by packaging the 1960 NFL Championship game.It will aid soccer as it continues its ascendancy in the American sports landscape, gaining numbers as more and more join the parade.Besides attracting the casual sports fan, I could venture a wild prediction that soccer also will ensnare the flat-ballers too. And no doubt, a few will be caught in the net. But the practical side of me, hewn from 25 years in sports journalism, believes that this is the American sports version of the Ottoman Empire.Fat, lazy and bureaucratic, American sports journalism is pretty decrepit. They are invested in maintaining the status quo. They will use the only weapon they have to protect their investments, and their status. They will throw words, more and more words, and pretty nasty ones, too, believing that the keyboard is mightier than the rolling ball.But just as in rock/paper/scissors, ball crushes keyboard _ usually with a distinctive cracking sound.So just like fatally doomed souls about to get engulfed by the rapidly approaching avalanche, the cries of sports writers and columnists will get louder just before they get squashed.
